I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
