Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
