..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
