Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
