meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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