she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
