Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Mom said you looked used
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
