you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
