I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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