We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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