words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
