She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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