dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
