every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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