He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
