5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
