My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
