There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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