You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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