I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
