he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
