no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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