when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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