when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
