i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
