I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
