The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
