put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
