just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
