she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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