eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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