she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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