my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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