u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
