Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
