I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
