i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
