last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
