Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
