I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You've changed since you got that strap on
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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