It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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