We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
