I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
