i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
