My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
