garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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