Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
