May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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