Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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