so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
