I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
